Seth-n-Jode's Adventures

We were snuggled up in Seth's bed yesterday watching our movie and a new LPN came in to take Seth's vitals who has not taken care of him before. 

Since Seth is looking so good, she looked us over and legitimately asked who the patient was!  I let Seth take the heparin shot!  I'm not that devoted! :-)

We heard the same story from Dr. Yaeger who is the Medical Director for Kindred.  He came in this evening and said that he is going to try to get Seth moved up to Craig earlier than August 4th.  He said that Kindred has done all it can for Seth and he really needs to move on with his rehab.

This would be wonderful as Seth and I are both going a bit stir crazy although we've both agreed we aren't going to complain too much.  First of all, who likes to hear a complainer? And second of all, refer to my first of all comment!

So of course, we did the Routine again today.  There isn't any therapy on the weekends so Seth really appreciates me taking him through his drills.  And he continues to say that the shower is divine!

I've been thinking a fair bit about this playing field we are in right now. One of the things that is striking to me is that Seth does not remember even going biking the day of the accident.  He literally woke up broken and battered and had no idea why he was where he was at.  One therapist was on point when she said that often patients will tell her they feel like they woke up in someone else's body.  It scares me, this concept.  That we were leading this completely normal life and then wham, Seth was nearly killed.  In the blink of an eye.  For me, this puts life into perspective.  Many decisions I make after this experience will be radically different than I might have made before. 

But it has also made me wary.  As if I want to develop a spider sense of what might happen and avoid disasters like this in the future.  But is this a reasonable way to approach life?  I truly do not know but I don't think so.   It doesn't seem natural or healthy to always be looking over your shoulder to avert a disaster.  Perhaps my grip on reality is not so strong right now and as Erinn says, this too shall pass and I'll eventually find my balance.

Seth, of course, is the steady one during this whole experience.  He has always been the keel of our ship and remains so even though battered.  I thank the universe every single day that Seth is back.  I know his bones are broken, some ligaments torn, but the fact that he came back as Seth with all his personality and mannerisms and soul is truly a miracle.  Although I know storms are brewing and we may be tossed around a bit as we take this journey, we have a solid ship we are sailing.  And we are headed for home.

What a great day today was!  Our friend, John, brought us a canadian bacon and pineapple pizza again.  Seth and I met him down in the Kindred lunchroom and just sat and had lunch like normal people talking about life, the economy, politics, normal things.  It seems like such a small thing but it is really huge.  Since the patients at Kindred are usually so sick, they stay in their rooms all the time so this facility is set up to always have the patient have their meals eaten in their room and basically stay in their rooms 24/7.  But Seth says it gets kind of lonely sitting there especially when you're staring down hospital food!  Not that we're complaining but hospital fare sure doesn't beat a canadian bacon and pineapple pizza straight out of the oven and eaten with a friend, to boot!

Another big win for today is that I slept by myself for the first time last night since the accident.  I've had some pretty bad nightmares over the past month where I was really glad Mom was with me.  Last night, Judy (Seth's mom) was on call to come over immediately if I had a nightmare and Erinn from Durango also had her phone by her bed in case I needed to talk at any time during the night.  So I was in good hands.  I slept through the night with no nightmares.  This may seem like a small thing but a big win for me in healing, I suppose.

Seth also was introduced to the Kindred Therapy room which we have never seen before.  Seth says it has all these bars and PT machines that look really cool.  Our Occupational Therapist, Ron, played WII with Seth.  Seth wants to go back to this room now everyday  as he would really like to use some of the machines.  They said since most of the machines in that room require weight bearing status, that's why Seth hasn't gone there.

After lunch, we did the Routine.  Seth really appreciates the shower part of the Routine.  And he deserved it, he worked hard.

We ended the day watching one of our favorite movies, "The Man from Snowy River".  I would rate this as one of the top love stories of all time. Its about a poor man (Jim Craig) from the mountains who has this awesome horse. He falls in love with a girl (Jessica Harrison) whose rich father is a horse and cattle rancher on the plains of Australia. If you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend it.  The scene where Jim rides his horse down this very steep mountainside is breathtaking!  Anyway,  Seth and I danced to Jessica's Theme from this movie at our wedding 15 1/2 years ago.  We had practiced and practiced and practiced the dance before our wedding.  We had even practiced it in my wedding gown as I had to pick up my train in my right hand in order that Seth could spin me to the left as one part of our routine.   However, during the actual ceremony where we did the dance, I was reaching down to pick up my train with my right hand, as we had practiced, and Seth whispers urgently to me, "No, Jode, wrong hand.".  Here we are in front of 75 people and I didn't want to argue the point and I thought,  "Well maybe he's right and I'm wrong."  So I picked up my train in my left hand and when the twirl came, I went straight into my train and could barely find my way out!  Luckily the pianist saw the dilemma and kept the song going for a few more moments as we untangled ourselves and continued on! 

This is the only picture I have of Seth with a horse and the camel doesn't quite fit.  But there you have it, "The Man from Durango, CO"!  And that's Jody not Jessica!

Well, it looks like we are in at Craig.  Seth and I happened to be outside of the entrance at Kindred doing PT when Dr. Cilo (Craig's referring neurologist / rehab doctor) walked in. I waved to him and said hello.  So he stopped to talk a bit and remarked on how well Seth is doing.  Then he called up to the admissions person at Craig to ask about our status and she said we were going August 4th.  I asked Dr. Cilo if that meant it was a done deal and he said yes.  When I called the admissions person at Craig later to just make sure of everything, she said they would be putting the paperwork for the insurance through next Wednesday.  She said this time Dr. Cilo's referral says that Seth will be weight bearing by the time he is admitted to Craig so she didn't think the insurance company would say no this time.  I'll follow up with the Craig folks next Thursday just to make sure there are no insurance snafus.

So bottom line, how I am looking at this is that it looks very positive.  And I'll believe he is going to Craig when we get admitted and his head hits a pillow on a bed at Craig Rehab.

And its going to be a long 11 days to that end.  I've told Seth we both have to stop obsessing about this and just let it flow.  We have to focus on his rehab where we are now.  I plan to work him until he is in a sweat everyday and too tired to think about anything but sleeping.  Anyway, that's my plan.

So this is a picture of Mark, Seth and I on top of Silverton Mountain.  This is a ski area that is listed as one of the most extreme mountains on some list somewhere.  You have to wear an avalanche beacon and carry a avalanche probe for them to let you on the lift.  I just remember how when we first got on the lift, my heart was beating so fast.  I was so scared thinking that I would get off the lift and immediately pitch into some abyss.  But it didn't work that way.  We found our way just like we are doing now.  Its still a steep mountain, don't get me wrong.  And it was hard.  But the key is we found our way and had fun. 

I've been kind of working on some goals for when we get back to our normal lives and one of them is that I want to be able to ski Silverton Mountain in style.  Really telemark it.  Be able to follow the fall line without stopping and have short tight turns.  Seth may not be up for it this winter season yet (We'll start him out at Purgatory on the easy stuff at first maybe in January or February depending on if he needs PCL surgury on his left knee or not) but when he gets on Silverton the year after that, I'll be able to show him all the sweet spots of untracked powder!  And then we'll go have coffee and a sweet at the Avalanche Bakery in Silverton!

I've printed out the blog for Seth so he can read it day by day and see all the people who were pulling for him.  He's about to the part where he moves to Kindred.  He says its scary, in spite of what he says is my positive spin on what was happening, and can now see what we were all going through.  We were out walking / wheeling today in front of the hospital back and forth and back and forth.  And he asks me "Do I wake up?"  with a big crooked toothless grin on his face.  I told him he'd have to read the rest of the blog to find out!

It is interesting to see the reactions of doctors or nurses who haven't seen him in a while.  Seth and I were down in the Kindred lunchroom after our walk just chatting and having a lemonade.  This nurse who hadn't seen him since he was admitted literally did a doubletake and then walked up to him and said "You're talking!  This is a miracle.".  Seth describes it where he feels like he's some sort of new bug and all the doctors are looking at him, poking and prodding him, and can't understand what happened.  Perhaps this will show them that miracles do happen and that with hope and love, anything is possible. 

No word yet on our status.  We haven't moved from Kindred.  The admissions director at Craig Rehab asked me to call her tomorrow afternoon and said she would know more then.  So I anxiously await tomorrow afternoon and hope to report good news.

I wanted to post this picture of me today with Kitty. It makes me calm.  Back when we had a normal life, whenever I would have a stressful day, I would lie down on the couch in the library and Kitty always came to take care of her human (that's me!).  She snuggles up to me and just purrs and purrs and all of my worry, fear, and stress would just dissipate into the air.  

In spite of the fact that I should be kissing the ground for having my mate alive and kicking and being the miracle that he is, I guess I'm still going through a bit of shock or stress at this whole sequence of events.   I went biking one day and just got ripped out of my life.  In spite of this, sometimes, I feel like I am an old growth pine with solid roots and long tall limbs where the wind just blows gently through my needles.  Other times, I feel like a newly planted aspen that might uproot with the slightest gust.  When I am in this weak place, I live in constant fear of the unknown. A flight or fight readiness wondering what sucker punch might next be coming and how can I can try to anticipate it and not let it knock me over.  A rendering of worry so deep that I can not find my way out of it.  A feeling of helplessness. 

I think the good thing is that I'm now recognizing when I am in this place and using some tools to fight my way out of it.  I am doing hot yoga semi regularly.  I take walks. I set up routines. I tell Seth what I am going through and he listens to me. I try to live one day at a time and not worry about what may happen tomorrow. I remind myself to live in the now. Frankly, this blog has become somewhat of a therapeutic routine for me.  Each night, I can post out to the ethernet what is happening and it helps me sleep since I've gotten whatever is on my shoulders that day down in bits and bytes.

And I have Kitty with me, in spirit.  That's probably the best tool of all!

There was a clear moment which cut through the awkwardness, disappointment and pain of being a patient in a hospital.  The doctor said that if this accident had occurred 20 years ago, I would be dead. I use this statement to evaluate my injuries.  Today a therapist mentioned that my knee may ache from arthritis.  On balance, not a bad trade.  Ultimately, unexpected events occur and we adapt. One of the most painful and acute memories I have of this experience is when Jody described seeing my crumpled body in the middle of the road and how the emergency personnel rolled me on to my back where my right leg flopped unnaturally since the femur and tibia were shattered.  These are not pleasant memories but concrete.  These are the memories I will recollect when the lights are out.  This is when I hold Jody, tell her I love her, and believe that we’ll make it through this.  I want to thank all of the people who have helped Jody and me through this with your thoughts, prayers and deeds.  The light is growing brighter at the end of the tunnel.

Regards,

Seth

970-385-5567 (Contact to reach Seth between 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. MST during the weekdays or most anytime on Saturdays (ask if he has any therapies going on and if so arrange to call him back) and anytime at all on Sundays as he has no formal therapy except The Routine as provided by me!)

This picture is Seth riding the Poison Spider trail above Moab, UT.