Seth-n-Jode's Adventures

I went on my first bike ride today since the accident.  It was kind of scary.  But it felt good to be back on the bike. I biked around the paths here in Boulder and then eventually up through campus.  It was a bit of a trip down memory lane.  Seth and I met while attending the University of Colorado here in Boulder.  I biked past Ketchum which is where I first saw him in French class.  He came in wearing blue OP corduroy shorts, a black leather jacket, and carrying his motorcycle helmet in his hand.  It was quite frankly love at first site on my part.  He has always said he didn't give me much thought since he thought I was a sorority girl since I wore western dresses and cowboy boots to class all the time! (Nothing against you who were in sororities, it just wasn't Seth's cup of tea.).  He finally talked to me because we were put into a group where we had to come up with a skit and the skit had to be in French.  We were studying for it one night in my dorm and he said he was hungry.  So we went across the street to this market and bought egg nog and cheese and bread.  It was freezing out and was a bit of a snowy night.  Next he gave me what he calls "The Seth Test".  He wanted me to shimmey up this waterspout that ran up the side of the building where we bought our food and have a picnic on the top.  I was up for the challenge.  I wasn't wearing my cowboy boots or dress at the time!  So we had this awesome picnic in a snowstorm up on top of a roof.  I guess I passed The Seth Test and thus why I'm writing about all this to you fine folks.  Incidently, we played husband and wife in the skit!

Erinn has requested that I have Seth provide his first blog here soon.  I was going to try to get it from him today but we simply ran out of time with all of his therapies and the fact that we can't seem to stop talking to each other long enough to find a quiet time.  But I really want to do this and so does Seth.  Since he can't type too well yet, I'll have him dictate it to me and I'll type it in. 

I did follow up with Craig Rehab and we are now hoping we can get Seth in August 4th.  But no guarantees yet.  The admission director asked me to call her back on Thursday when she would know more.  Please put good thoughts and vibes towards this happening as we are really anxious to move on with his acute rehab.

Also, Seth now has a cell phone that you can call him on.  The number is 970-385-5567.  I told him I'd publish this number so you can call him if you like.  The best time to call him is between 5:30 - 7:30 p.m. MST as he has many of his therapies throughout the rest of the day and I want to be sure he doesn't miss any therapies.  So please feel free to give him a call.  For the many people who have called me and I've put them on the phone with him, it almost seems very therapeutic for the person on the phone just to hear Seth sound like, well, Seth...joking and laughing and carrying on.

The picture for today is our neighbor Eric with a wild bird up on top of Coalbank Pass near our home in Durango. We were skinning up to Coalbank to do some telemark skiing and were having some lunch when this bird showed up and decided he wanted some lunch too.  So Eric obliged him.  A bird with deep trust!  I am guiding deep trust in my heart and soul that Seth will get into Craig Rehab soon and then we can go home!

My Mom had to leave today to get back to her ranch and also help my sister with some things in Steamboat.  She has been with me 24/7 since the day after Seth's accident.  I want to tell you a little about my Mom (Donna) because she is truly an amazing woman.  Not only that, she is an angel.

She grew up on a farm in South Dakota.  This is a picture of her when she was three or four with her twin brother Don.  She went to nursing school and then moved to Colorado where she met my dad, John Ashbaugh, who was a rancher.  She was a nurse for 42 years before she retired a few years ago.  During all these years, she also helped Dad run their cattle ranch in Steamboat, CO and then eventually in Craig, CO.  My dad died in 1990 from a traumatic head injury while horseback riding.  My mom kept her job nursing and ran the ranch.  She is one tough lady. 

When I first saw her after Seth's accident, I saw the same look in her eye as when my dad had died. My mom has seen these things being a nurse in a hospital for 42 years.  I was afraid.  I asked her if Seth was going to be OK and she said she didn't know.  That God and Seth would decide these things. 

When I woke up the third or fourth night after Seth had dropped off to sleep in a complete panic, she quietly told me to go try to wake him up if I needed to.  When I couldn't breathe for the fear of the journey I was on and where it might lead, she stroked my hair and asked me, gently, to breathe.  No not fast like that.  Slow.  Steady.  When I have nightmares, she listens to them.  She makes me eat.  She takes me on walks.  She started to anticipate what I would need and would hand me whatever I was looking for. She showed me how to care for Seth.  She was instrumental in ensuring he received proper medical care particularly when he was not able to communicate what was wrong or what he needed.  I also saw her smile brighten as Seth got better and I instinctively knew he was going to be ok by that very gesture.

When I left the ranch for college, I was sure that I could make it on my own.  And I have.  But in times like these, I give praise to the universe for giving me a Mom like my Mom.  She has said she will come back to Denver to help me care for Seth next week if I need her (especially this tough time before he gets to Craig Rehab) and she will come to Durango when we finally come home to help get us settled in.  She is an angel sent straight from heaven...

So I put Seth through the Routine that I posted in my last blog.  Yesterday, I kind of messed it up because I showered him first and then did all the excercises and then took him for a walk.  And he was all sweaty. And then I put him back in his bed before I changed the linen!  Bad caretaker!

Today, I did it perfect.  We chatted first.  Then we did his leg PT for about 45 minutes.  Then we had lunch.  Then arm PT.  Then he loaded himself onto his wheelchair and he wheeled himself up and down the block two times by himself.  That is incredible!  We are going to have to celebrate!  I have set up one goal for him and that is to be able to wheel himself up to the front door of the hospital.  Its at a bit of an incline and he couldn't quite get the chair up to the door without my assistance so I'll be working to get him to the point where he can do that himself.

Then we had a nice long shower where I soaped him down and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed.  He says these showers make him feel human.  Then we put freshly laundered shorts and shirt on.  I changed the linens BEFORE he went back into it.  And then I gave him a foot massage. And then we were both so tired, we had a little nap.  When I asked if he wanted another session of PT before I left, he said he was too tired. Especially because he said he did some of the exercises before I arrived.  So I let it go.  He really worked hard today.  Tomorrow, I told him I'd bring him some Kentucky Fried Chicken for doing so well today.  (I'm letting the raw food thing go for just a little while until I can actually get some poundage back on his bones!)

Judy, Seth's Mom, is now staying with me until I think I can make it on my own.  Our sister in law, Sue and her daughter Maria, often go see Seth in the mornings before I get there to do brain excercises with him, give him coffee and just chat him up.  Everybody is really chipping in to keep Seth in a good place.  It makes my heart happy. 

Good question, Seth.  Believe me, there has been many a time that I am tempted just to load you up in the truck and skedaddle. Escape this incomprehensible place.  Let the earth, wind and sun do their work to heal you.  Go off the grid and figure this thing out ourselves.

Believe me when I tell you that all of these thoughts have crossed my mind.  As I awake from my nightmares to realize that I can't redream this one.  That we are running a river that is hazardous with many portages and no trail out midway.  AND to know that the take-out will come.  That we will go home someday with a deeper understanding of what makes life so precious; love, friendship, family, laughter, beauty and many others.

And that we can't focus on home right now but just focus on getting through the next day.

Since Seth is so homesick,  I've decided that I'm going to set up a routine.  Especially on the weekends when he doesn't get any therapies.  Mom and I usually arrive about noon once he's had his breakfast and his first round of therapies (during the week).  As he eats his lunch, the first order of business is to go through any decisions back on the home front that I need to make with him.  And also an opportunity for us to just recount where we each are in our lives at that moment.  About mid-afternoon, I'm going to go through his whole set of PT excercises with him again or a brain game type of excercise or maybe some combination of both.  Making sure that he does each excercise just right.  Then we'll put him in his wheelchair and let him wheel himself around the Kindred grounds.  I'll set up a goal of so many laps based on how his strength does each day.  He did this today in his wheelchair where he can now push himself around using both his arms!  The strength in his left arm is really getting better.  Although still weak, he is definitely improving strength in that arm. 

Once that's done, he'll have earned a shower.  So, he'll transfer himself into his shower chair using his slide board which he's getting pretty handy with these days as well and I'll scrub him down.  Rub a dub dub, in the tub.  And then he'll smell nice and clean with a freshly laundered set of shorts and shirt on.  He'll shave with his electric razor to keep the forest off his face!

We'll get a fresh set of sheets on the bed before he slide board transfers himself back onto it.  Then he'll have dinner and brush his teeth.  And we'll set him up with a book or a movie for the evening.

And then we'll get up and do the same thing again the next day which will make us one day closer to coming home.  And we will have wins each day that we need to celebrate.  Like today, the doctor said that since Seth is so active, that he can go to one dose of this heparin shot (which he hates) rather than the three that he's been getting.  He's now able to get to the edge of his bed to sit up and then bring his legs back up on his own. He was able to wheel himself about in his wheelchair today on his own.  And we weighed him again and he has gained two pounds! These are all huge wins so tomorrow we're going to celebrate.  I'll bring him a big burrito or ice cream cone or maybe both since today was such a good day!

Since I'm using a kayak analogy today, I thought I'd share a photo with you of a kayaker on the north wall of our house.  Seth made this kayaker and the waves out of plywood.  We have kokopelli art like this actually all over the outside of our house.  In fact, we've run out of walls in which to hang them.   I wanted to put some standing art on the roof too but Seth put the kabash on that idea (along with the pumpkin patch I wanted to plant on our roof - Darn!)  We've offered to put some of this fine art on our neighbors houses too but so far no takers... :)

I got an email from our California boating crew the other day and had to share this photo with you all.  There is some story behind the gatorade but they haven't divulged it yet.  Maybe via the blog!

Eric, Dan and Scott basically lived at our house for ~3 years every weekend in the mid 90's as we were all whitewater kayaker fanatics.  They would drive up from the Bay Area and stay at our house in Sacramento.  I was the planner so I planned out all the trips.  We went all over California boating most every stream we could find.  Man, did we have some adventures.  Like the time Eric was running Clavey Falls on the Tuolumne and got hit by a raft mid rapid, shunted right towards Clavey Hole (a big nasty recirculating type of thing) and narrowly escaped by faceplanting against the rocks.  He definitely met the test of grace under pressure.  Or the time that Dan and Scott inadvertently ran a waterfall that is normally portaged on the South Yuba.  Dan ended up downstream with no boat, using a poagie (something you wear over your hands that attaches to the kayak paddle when its cold out) for his shoe that he had lost.  And Scott was forever in a recirculating eddy that he couldn't get out of.  Seth came to save him and Scott said it was "like the hand of God" getting him out of there.  Oh and did I mention the snoring?  Or the fact that Scott never wanted to wash his polypro because he thought it made it less warm but sure was stinky?  I could go on forever with the stories.  Little quirks and adventures together that cement friendships forever.

I need some help.  What do you do with a guy who is used to walking around, chasing a ball, kayaking a rapid, riding a mountain bike, hiking up a hill who says he just wants to go home?  Who like his normal Seth self is starting to question why the doctors are saying this many weeks before he can stand on this leg and that many weeks before he can stand on the other leg.  And is wondering how he can start to bend some rules to do more exercises.  Who is starting to ask the doctors and therapists really pointed questions and getting them to let him push the boundaries a little more.   He did say that he understands, for my sake, that he won't try to walk or put any weight on his legs yet.  Which gives me some relief!

His Physical Therapists (PT) and Occupational Therapists (OT) are just awesome.   Who wouldn't like a patient who wants to do lots of excercises and makes you laugh with his jokes while you are doing them?  Emily, his PT for today, brought us a phamplet of excercises that he should be doing.  They are doing the excercises with Seth twice per day and she asked me to do them with Seth 1 - 2 X more per day.  This is really great and we really appreciate getting this info so Seth can continue rebuilding his arms and legs. Ron, his OT often takes Seth outside to do his excercises.  I really appreciate this attention to Seth and he really appreciates all that they are doing for him.

Seth's neurologist, Dr. Yarnell, came in today as well and remains very pleased with Seth's healing neurologically.  He thinks he will heal 100% or near 100% with the appropriate therapy.  Mainly Seth is still having a little bit of short term memory loss (although that does seem to be getting better) and he says he is having trouble reading not because he can't read the words but he says the contrast seems to be off (especially in sunny environments) and he has to move his head in order to get the words to show with a proper contrast so he can read them.  His long range vision is good. A friend of ours said that probably there might be some nerve damage from his brain to his eyes but that Craig has a vision clinic that tends to these types of things.  I also want him to do more complex problem solving like he will get at Craig to make sure all those processes are working fine.

The thing with these neurologists is they always ask you for dates like they expect you to have a calendar in your head and everything memorized as to what happened when.  Well as it happens, I did.  Since I kept getting the same types of questions, I had gotten a calendar and put on some key dates, like when the accident happened, when he had surgery, when he had his MRI's, when he will be weight bearing, etc, etc.  This calendar came in immensely handy while we were talking with Dr. Yarnell.

No word yet on if Seth will stay at Kindred until he is admitted to Craig.  We really hope that to be the case. 

Our friends Erinn and Darren came up from Durango again bringing me a load of supplies.  They also brought me some spinach, parsley and mint from my garden.  Dan and Diane, our housesitters, had brought me a load of things from my garden as well last weekend.  Its really great that I get to eat things from my garden in Durango while I'm here in Denver!  Its like a breath of air from home as I open each container.  Erinn and Darren also brought Seth this big huge ice cream cone.  I've been bringing him burritos.  John brought him a pizza yesterday.  Seth is really liking this food over the hospital food although he still remains very skinny!

Have a great weekend everyone!  Bike some mountains for us, climb some walls, hike some trails, kayak some rivers.  Smell the wildflowers.  Listen to the wind blow through the trees.  We'll be with you all in spirit.

I've come to realize that things are not always as they seem.  There are mirrors and reflections, perspective and attitudes that sway in the winds of time, changing, forever changing. One second my husband was as large as life.  The next second, I thought he was dead.  The next second, they told me he might not recover from his head injury.  The next second, he is talking normally.  Today, he soothed my worries and told me that I needed to let us ride this river, paddling where we could but knowing that we can't always affect the way in which we reach the ultimate outcome of his full recovery.  And in the end, its going to be ok. And to be at peace with that.

We had a very good meeting with Dr. Cilo (who has been a neurologist and rehab doctor for 30 years).  He sat down with us for nearly an hour.  He presented his side of what had happened.  That he had made the referral for Seth to go to Craig but that it was dependent on his weight bearing status.  And that ultimately, and unfortunately, very late in the game, the medical director for Blue Cross (our insurance) had gotten this for approval and because Seth is not yet weight bearing had denied the transfer.  He apologized for having a part in this confusion.  We presented a list of talking points of why we felt Seth should be transferred to Craig. However he remained steadfast in his opinion that Seth would not totally benefit from acute rehab at this point until he is weight bearing.  He also said that his decision in no way would medically hurt Seth's recovery.  He really seemed sincere.  He also said that the medical director for Blue Cross had told him she was going to approve Seth for Craig Rehab once he does become weight bearing (about 3 or so weeks for his right leg).  And Craig has said they will accept him.  So this is all good news just with a different timing than we were hoping.

The worry now is that Blue Cross may try to transfer Seth to a skilled nursing facility (essentially a nursing home but what they refer to as subacute rehab) rather than keeping him at Kindred while his bones knit to become weight bearing since Seth is no longer considered an acute care case.  This would, in my opinion, be primarily an economic decision from the insurance company's perspective since these facilities are cheaper than Kindred.  My understanding is that these facilities don't do as much rehab as Kindred offers which would be very troubling since Seth and I both want him to continue his therapies to move forward in his healing until they let him into Craig. If that were to come to pass, we'd tour any facility to make sure it is adequate and provided adequate rehab programs before I would let Seth be transferred there.  But Dr. Cilo did say he had put in a call to this medical director at Blue Cross to advocate that he stay at Kindred until he is transferred to Craig.  He said he would let us know as soon as she calls back. He said she is a rehab doctor herself and he said she also seemed very sincere in wanting what was best for Seth from a total rehab perspective.  I don't know.  I'll again reserve judgement on this until I personally talk to her if I have to advocate to keep him at Kindred or maybe even try to move up the transfer date a little to Craig.

In any event, Seth wants me to take a deep breath and meet each day one at a time.  To advocate where we think it will make a difference and to not kill myself with worry for certain things that I do not control.  The great thing is that each day I go to the hospital and we just talk and talk and talk about all that is coming up in each of our lives at this point.  I could talk to him forever.  Since I didn't sleep too well last night, I crawled into his hospital bed and spooned him while we took a little nap.  It felt good to just lay next to him and hear his heart beating slowly and surely like it always does.

Today's picture is Seth jumping into a reflecting pool somewhere in the Grand Canyon.  And that he will plunge into the water, the ripples will mar the reflection for a period of time and that the reflecting pool with once again reflect its surroundings as it has done for hundreds of thousands of years.