Seth-n-Jode's Adventures

I've printed out the blog for Seth so he can read it day by day and see all the people who were pulling for him.  He's about to the part where he moves to Kindred.  He says its scary, in spite of what he says is my positive spin on what was happening, and can now see what we were all going through.  We were out walking / wheeling today in front of the hospital back and forth and back and forth.  And he asks me "Do I wake up?"  with a big crooked toothless grin on his face.  I told him he'd have to read the rest of the blog to find out!

It is interesting to see the reactions of doctors or nurses who haven't seen him in a while.  Seth and I were down in the Kindred lunchroom after our walk just chatting and having a lemonade.  This nurse who hadn't seen him since he was admitted literally did a doubletake and then walked up to him and said "You're talking!  This is a miracle.".  Seth describes it where he feels like he's some sort of new bug and all the doctors are looking at him, poking and prodding him, and can't understand what happened.  Perhaps this will show them that miracles do happen and that with hope and love, anything is possible. 

No word yet on our status.  We haven't moved from Kindred.  The admissions director at Craig Rehab asked me to call her tomorrow afternoon and said she would know more then.  So I anxiously await tomorrow afternoon and hope to report good news.

I wanted to post this picture of me today with Kitty. It makes me calm.  Back when we had a normal life, whenever I would have a stressful day, I would lie down on the couch in the library and Kitty always came to take care of her human (that's me!).  She snuggles up to me and just purrs and purrs and all of my worry, fear, and stress would just dissipate into the air.  

In spite of the fact that I should be kissing the ground for having my mate alive and kicking and being the miracle that he is, I guess I'm still going through a bit of shock or stress at this whole sequence of events.   I went biking one day and just got ripped out of my life.  In spite of this, sometimes, I feel like I am an old growth pine with solid roots and long tall limbs where the wind just blows gently through my needles.  Other times, I feel like a newly planted aspen that might uproot with the slightest gust.  When I am in this weak place, I live in constant fear of the unknown. A flight or fight readiness wondering what sucker punch might next be coming and how can I can try to anticipate it and not let it knock me over.  A rendering of worry so deep that I can not find my way out of it.  A feeling of helplessness. 

I think the good thing is that I'm now recognizing when I am in this place and using some tools to fight my way out of it.  I am doing hot yoga semi regularly.  I take walks. I set up routines. I tell Seth what I am going through and he listens to me. I try to live one day at a time and not worry about what may happen tomorrow. I remind myself to live in the now. Frankly, this blog has become somewhat of a therapeutic routine for me.  Each night, I can post out to the ethernet what is happening and it helps me sleep since I've gotten whatever is on my shoulders that day down in bits and bytes.

And I have Kitty with me, in spirit.  That's probably the best tool of all!