Seth-n-Jode's Adventures

Seth has progressed from 60 degrees bend in his right leg to 132 degrees in about 1 1/2 weeks!   His goal is to touch his bum with his heel and we are getting closer by the day!

He's now transferring easily by himself from bed to wheel chair to commode to shower chair.  I think soon, he'll be hanging off his trapeze with his right leg!  He's such a monkey.  Its amazing to see how he navigates.  When he starts walking next week with his right leg, watch out!

We go have lunch and/or dinner in the cafeteria everyday.

We do the Routine every single day.

We are so ready to go to Craig and all of Seth's doctors say he should go to Craig but unfortunately how the playing field works is its not up to the doctors but rather a for profit insurance company who decides our short term destiny.  Which they haven't decided yet.  We are supposed to move to Craig on Monday and Craig has absolutely confirmed that they have a space for Seth.  But now the case is being reviewed by yet another medical director, who has never laid eyes on Seth, with Blue Cross.  They say we will know by tomorrow morning.  Our social worker says that if they deny, Kindred will help to appeal the decision at this point.  Its maddening.  If you want to stay sane, I highly recommend staying out of this game.  Enough about that.

So we have a new goal that I'm really excited about.  Our friend, Lori, organizes a 10th Mountain hut trip every year at Thanksgiving.  The 10th Mountain Huts are sprinkled throughout Colorado.  They are these beautiful log cabins that house up to 16 folks.  They are invariably located with some breathtaking vista that you can barely tear your eyes from.   We've gone on these trips nearly every year for the past 8 years.  So I get the email a couple of days ago from Lori inviting us to the hut trip.  I take a good look at the topographic map and elevation gain.  We've been to this hut before.  Its only five miles and 1,600 feet of elevation gain. And its not that steep.  I figure if we can get Seth on snow shoes and spread his backpack weight across all the other trip members (ask Greg and Marse about this since Seth seems to have a knack for getting others to carry his pack!) and we go really slow and take lots of rests, we might be able to make a go of it.   We'll decide for sure in mid September as that is when Seth will be really up and walking but I think its a doable do as does Seth!

Today's picture is Seth and Lori on top of Coalbank Pass.  Snowshoes at the ready for our hut trip this November!

 I wrote this letter some time ago when I was going through a rough rapid in life. The message still holds true for me so I thought I would share it with you. It helps me remember to be here now and take each day as it comes. I must remember....

Dear Yogini of the Mountain,

Ah….I feel your pain. You have every right to feel this hurt. Let it wash over you….and then, let it go. Just like the free flowing and wild river with its seasons. The cold dark of winter with snow glistening, the rush of spring snowmelt, the lazy days of summer meandering, and fall’s crispness and color.

Anger, resentment, revenge and fear….these are powerful feelings but they fester like a river dammed. Love, trust, fortitude and forgiveness…. These are the emotions that take you to new heights.

Love, trust and fortitude are the snowcapped mountains where you find your inner strength. Forgiveness is the quiet light of a beautiful sunset.

Do you deserve what has happened to you? Absolutely not. However, the world is not a balanced scale. It ebbs and flows. The path you take through this life is your choice.

It is easy to revel in negativity. But look at the people who choose that route. Do you admire them? No. Your heroes are the people who withstand immense physical or mental adversity and who come out the other side stronger and wiser. Maybe they even die but if they die trying, you still admire them.

Each day, you have a choice.

To Love – Love yourself. Allow that image you project to others sink in to your inner core. It is not an image, it is your truth.

To Trust – Live your life looking forwards not backwards with a deep trust that this too shall pass.

To Forgive – Forgiveness is acknowledging the pain and letting it go. It ultimately heals your soul.

Fortitude – Waking up each day and making the right choices. And if you slip, picking yourself up. Just like your heroes. After all, this is a journey not a destination.

I know right now your demon is screaming at you. Telling you that if you do not hold on to your feelings of anger, resentment, revenge and fear, that you are only doomed to have this happen to you again. But I’ll tell you what, your demon is dead wrong. Holding on to those feelings will make you bitter and old before your time.

You are a child of the mountains and rivers. I am the wind, earth, sun, and stars. Journey well.

The Wise One

We had a sports medicine appointment back over at Denver General today with Dr. Mann to go over Seth's knee and shoulder. 

Really good news on a number of fronts.  Seth's left knee is healing well although he may require surgery of his left PCL some time down the road. But the fracture in the knee is healing with no issues.  The doc said his left shoulder didn't have any ligament or tendon tears and his hand and arm weakness would just take time to heal but he felt it would heal.  The doc said that Seth now only has to wear his left leg brace when he is up and about in his wheel chair and once he starts walking.  He doesn't have to wear it when he is in bed anymore.  This is really good news because Seth says the brace is really hot and uncomfortable.  The doc was amazed at the strength in Seth's left leg.  The OT and PT folks at Kindred have made great strides in improving Seth's strength in his left arm and his legs and it really shows!  Also the doc said that Seth can do a few more excercises with his left arm.

We wheeled Seth over to the doc's computer and he went through both his knee and shoulder MRI's with  us.   I really appreciate the time he took to go over all of this with us and help us understand what is going on in Seth's body.  One thing he showed us that I was a bit unprepared for was the x-rays of his legs.  Seth truly has an adamantium skeleton now.  There is more metal than bone in his legs.  The left hip was particularly shocking to me.  I thought Seth had this tiny titanium chain in his left hip with a few staples to hold it in.  The x-ray showed these two huge, what seemed like to me, ship sized chain rings with bolts that went practically up to his shoulder bones.  I'm exagerating a little but seriously, I had to sit down in a chair after I saw this because it was so shocking and I grew a bit faint.  I see now why Seth can't bear weight on his left leg for another month.  And with all this, the stink of it is, he still didn't get the adamantium claws in his knuckles!   Although he seems to be healing with a Wolverine like capability!

We ended the day playing scrabble with Stink and Schmell (John and Kelly), our Nepal trekking partners in the Kindred cafeteria.  They brought over yet another canadian bacon and pineapple pizza (thats the only kind of pizza ever to order by the way :-)  and we played scrabble.  Just like we did in Nepal nearly every night of our trip.  There is definitely a strategy with Scrabble and John and Kelly have it down pat.  They know all the two letter words you can make with a Q or a Z (which both count 10 points) and they always manage to put that on a triple word spot.  Plus I think they take their scrabble dictionary home and study it at night.  They refuse to let us make up our own words.  Although one time, we were allowed to make up words as long as there was a legitimate story behind the word.  I came up with the word Zwink and described this as what you do when you pass a yak too close on the trail.  You Zwink.  Doesn't that make sense? :)  Plus it was on a triple word spot and since I was the scorekeeper, I believe I won that game! 

This is a picture of the four of us sans our scrabble board somewhere in the Everest region of Nepal.

Sleeping over was awesome!  The nurses wheeled in a separate hospital bed for me and we pushed them together so that Seth and I could hold hands or at least touch each other most of the night.  It was so comforting to just have him near me and hear him breathing. I finally felt like we were safe, a small eddy in this raging rapid.

The nurses were so kind in not waking us up at 1:00 a.m. to get his vitals as well.  So I actually got some sleep!

Then we got up and went for a walk/wheel in front of Kindred.  It was nice and cool.  After, we went into the Kindred cafeteria and had a cup of coffee and read the newspaper.  Again, this somewhat normal routine is so comforting as to be such a relief...I almost felt like we had walked down to Carvers as is our normal routine.  Except the coffee wasn't as good! 

We are anxiously awaiting Seth's official admission to Craig.  It feels a bit like a tightrope making sure that all the stars align with all these powerful and divergent forces.  And thus why I chose this picture for today.  The wind had blown something fierce the night before we were crossing over Cho La Pass in Nepal.  We (John, Kelly, Seth and I) had to cross this glaciated lake which is normally nice and smooth but the wind had cracked the lake completely up.  So we had to tread carefully to ensure we didn't lose our footing.  Just as we have to do now.

This blog is from Seth tonight. 

This picture is of me after a crash on a snow sled.   No harm done.  Just a couple minutes of digging snow out of my ears and I was back to normal. Not like this time.

With respect to how things are here at Kindred, I've had a number of friends come to visit and all seem to be surprised at how "normal" I am.  Admittedly, my three front teeth are gone and I look like a hick in that regard.  Otherwise, things look pretty normal.  My legs aren't casted, rather there is a fair bit of titanium that's been inserted under the surface.  I'm looking forward to being able to stand up which the docs will let me do next week.  Up until now, its been wheelchairs.  I can talk, laugh, joke, cry with the best of them.  Most of the therapists think I'm one of their more rambunctious and humorous patients...or a general pain in the ass!  Other than a velcro brace on my left leg, there's no cast or stitch.  That said, I've got a boatload of notable scars on my legs and hips.  I've heard the operating table for orthopedic doctors appears more like a construction site than a surgical labratory.  When they described inserting the titanium rod inside my right femur, even I was feeling a bit queasy.  And then I just found out yesterday that I had 6 broken left ribs and my nose did indeed get a fracture.  I hope this is approaching the end of the long list of damage to this old body of mine!

I looking forward to having Jody stay with me tonight.  We are planning to watch Spiderman and just experience as normal an evening as one can while perched in a hospital room.  Good night!