Seth-n-Jode's Adventures

I just might have a few characteristics that may classify me as one of the “odd” characters.  For example, I do keep a few extra “safety items” in my truck.  I carry chains for all four wheels, a 4’ tall truck jack, a hand operated 8 ton pulley, 50 feet of tow chain, 300 feet of cam straps, 3 pairs of heavy work gloves, 2 spare jackets, a crowbar, chainsaw, an axe, and about a thousand other items which I think it prudent to have when travelling.  Admittedly, it’s a tad bit hard to fit in passengers, but with the handy crowbar I can usually get them inside.  Though I believe my outfitting is reasonable, I admittedly looked enviously at what I term a “monster jeep” this summer, dreaming just how cool I’d look driving this beast, wearing mirrored sunglasses and smoking a cigar.  Jody must also have the same itch since, after seeing me drooling, she prettily put forward that if we owned such a capable vehicle she’d be willing to dress the part by wearing bright lipstick and sport a ‘big-hair’ style. 

Another potentially damning story about ‘going odd’ in Silverton involves the staircase at our cabin, which has been slowly disappearing.  Our stairs are a single solid piece of wood cut from a huge tree trunk, but there is an unstoppable force making progress against this immovable object…bite by bite.   After calling in professional investigative support from the neighbors, Forest Service, Police, FBI, MI-6, NSA, I’ve since learned that the culprit is a porcupine.  Apparently when porcupines find a taste for something… they just keep eating until it’s finished.  Entire cars have disappeared this way.   Like Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton, porcupines have an adamantium stomach and don’t concern themselves with whether their meal is edible. I laid plans to bring the hoodlum to account. 

Now imagine midnight on the mountain.  No streetlights and complete silence.  You awake to the sound of munching…more exactly to the sound of a porcupine enjoying a meal of his favorite staircase.  I’ve been waiting for this moment and have come prepared.  I creep out of bed to un-holster the trusty 22 caliber pistol I’ve had since I was a boy scout.  I’m armed and like a good professional athlete have repeatedly visualized this scene in preparation for the real thing.  

But the reality varies somewhat from my imagination.  I pictured myself looking tough in boots and a worn leather coat.  Instead I’m prancing carefully on bare feet and naked but for a pair of white skivvies.  I pictured opening the cabin door to confront a surprised ruffian.  Instead an exceptionally chubby porcupine looks up at me with a relaxed expression and a mouthful of wood chips sticking to his chin.  In my best Clint Eastwood imitation, I declare “Make my day - Punk” and pull the trigger.  I wince in advance, anticipating the loud crack of gunfire….but hear only a tiny click.  My trusty old pistol has failed to fire.   I begin searching frantically for a flashlight….hoping that in the light I will somehow be able to fix whatever’s wrong. 

After having watched this entire sequence, and finally reaching the decision that the staff attending at his favorite dining establishment appear to be unusually incompetent this evening, the porcupine begins to waddle away.  In a frustrated effort to reclaim my self-esteem, I step outside to somehow stop the creature, just as his portly rear end begins disappearing into the darkness.  As I step out the door, a hidden porcupine quill pierces my foot. 

It is then my situation comes clear to me.  I’m naked, barefoot, and a veteran terrorist has laid sharp spikes in the darkness around me.  I throw the jammed pistol in the direction of the retiring porcupine…knowing that I’ve been beaten.  I pathetically crawl back into the cabin, crying out to Jody asking for help to extract the porcupine quill from my foot. 

I’ve unfortunately told this story to our neighbor, Erin, a biology professor at Fort Lewis College.  She explains academically that my behavior is a rather embarrassing example of how Hunter-Gatherer Societies attempted to tame their environment….though this supposedly ended several million years ago.   She’s enjoyed retelling the story so many times to her students that she gifted me a stuffed porcupine on my birthday.  Since I don’t have another, this stuffed porcupine is now proudly mounted on the wall in the cabin.   

Another potential “oddity” in my behavior presented itself this summer when we invited our close friends, Karl & Kim Leuger to our cabin for a picnic.  After sitting down for some tea, I let slip that there were piles of slash and branches that had gathered during the summer that we wanted to clear before winter hit.  This slash had gathered as a result of Jody and my compulsive attraction to working with chain saws.  We have come to believe that, since our jobs are intellectually demanding, there is a cosmic karma balance to doing hard physical work.  No thought beyond ensuring good footing, taking a firm grip, and having the tree to fall the other way.  

To our great joy, Kim was interested in helping clear the slash.  She also has a demanding intellectual job and appears, like us, to have been drawn cosmically to doing some first-rate physical work.  What she didn’t know yet is that,  whenever you’re clearing brush with the Furtneys, a chainsaw will magically appear.   And so it happened again this time.  A chainsaw appeared out of nowhere. I tested the chain for sharpness, topped off the gas and oil, and fired-it up.  With the roar of the two cylinder engine, I was filled with a sense of peace and contentment.  

I noticed their nine year old son Nicholas standing nearby, and being the thoughtful and sensitive sort that I am, invited him to try his hand at chain sawing… never looking at Karl or Kim to get their approval.  I just gave Nicholas a few pointers and stood back.  To my great satisfaction, he squared his feet, hoisted the chain saw, and without hesitation, made a perfect cut.  Thankfully the falling tree did no damage to my truck.  I then spared a glance back at Karl & Kim expecting to see proud smiles.  Their expressions weren’t quite what I’d expected. Though Nicholas was now eager for more, I realized that it was high time to reclaim the saw.  I figure a few decades from now Nicholas will be sitting in his office… feeling a strange attraction to being a sawyer.    

It’s a cold start to December with temperatures in Durango near zero degrees and a foot of snow.  In all honesty, it’s beautiful and looks just like a Christmas card.  According to Jody however, this winter doesn’t measure up to last year, which I spent mostly in my company’s offices in Virginia.  Meanwhile, Jody shoveled several tons of snow from our sidewalks, driveway… and after the snow depth exceeded six feet…our roof.   Ever since then she’s on a first name basis with her chiropractor.   Despite this annual effort, we still can’t understand anyone using a snow-blower.  We think being attracted to snow-blowing is simply odd.

In a break from last winter’s merciless cold and snow, we escaped for few days of glorious weather in San Diego.  We received curious stares as we roller-bladed down the beach boardwalk…wearing our down coats…but we didn’t have anything else to wear.  With modern airline restrictions, we “pack light” and simply hadn’t packed anything for winter in California.       

God help us, Jody and I have decorated our house past all sensibility.  We dub it ‘Uber Cute’, though other folks might see it in a different light.  Not many people decorate both their interior walls AND their exterior walls.  We recently saw a wall hanging we liked and tried to imagine a place where we could put it.  We thought and thought and finally realized that there wasn’t a space available.  No blank walls.  No blank gaps.  For goodness sakes, we are contemplating how we might be able to decorate the ceilings.   This ‘Uber Cuteness’ extends beyond the home to our landscaping.  Each year Jody invites (or is that commands?) Darrin, the county agricultural agent, to review our landscaping and gardens to provide advice on how to best care for her precious plants.   This is the same guy who normally advises crusty old farmers how to grow more wheat on their 1,000 acres.   He nevertheless humors us by returning each spring to review our small urban lot.

An issue that particularly troubles Jody is the grape plant that we planted 8 years ago.  Bear with me while I call the plant a “he” since that’s how Jody imagines him.  He still hasn’t yet produced a single grape, shattering our vision of homemade wine and munching on grapes fresh off the vine.  We’ve trimmed him. We’ve fertilized him.  We’ve covered him with a blanket during the winter.  Jody talks to him every morning to make sure he knows how much we appreciate him, and look forward to big things from him when he grows up.  But he simply won’t grape.  In exasperation, Jody asked Darrin what she should do to get grapes.  He thought it over for several long minutes, shook his head, and stated plainly that she would do best to get grapes at the grocery store.  He continued explaining that, at our altitude of 7,000 feet, grapes are essentially just ornamental plants.  Luckily, this conversation took place outside of the plant’s hearing so Jody’s confident that we didn’t cause the grape plant any psychological damage.  Jody now has me researching how to build a greenhouse to see if we can possibly get this grape….to grape! 

Our work lives are great and very demanding.  Earlier this year, after nearly 8 years telecommuting for the company, One West Bank terminated the right for staff to telecommute.  Jody was forced to look elsewhere and  fortunately found an excellent position with Mortgage Cadence, a technology company that sells lending software, as their Director of the Project Management Office.  In order to quickly establish herself in her new role, Jody works from the company’s Denver offices during the week and stays at a company apartment on the 20^th floor overlooking the Performing Arts center.  When not working, Jody has been enjoying the “city” life with friends and has seen a bunch of different artistic performances. In the meantime, she’s replaced her professional wardrobe, and looks great in her chic new clothing. I was recently startled while waiting to pick her up at the airport, when an attractive woman kissed me.  I hadn’t recognized her in her new trappings.  As she gets more comfortable in her position, she intends to telecommute more from home. 

I continue to work for SAIC as a proposal specialist and am responsible for preparing cost proposals on major pursuits.   I find the work very interesting and expect to remain in this role for the foreseeable future.

Sometimes, with both of us traveling, ‘Thomas the Tom Kat’ is the only one holding down the fort.  Luckily, we have found the perfect sitter, Amelia, a college student who loves Thomas and doesn’t mind that he walks on the countertops, sits in the sink, and likes to dip his paw into your water glass while your brushing your teeth.  I suppose he’s a bit ‘odd’ too.  I guess we are all one big happy family!

A Smilebox of our Cabin Journey

http://play.smilebox.com/SpreadMoreHappy/4d6a59344d6a45304d6a453d0d0a?title=Free+Coinage+Cabin+Smilebox&image=4d6a59344d6a45304d6a453d0d0a.jpg

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Jody and Seth Furtney

11 Molas Drive, Durango, CO 81301

Seth Phone:  970-385-5547

Jody Phone: 970-385-5567

Seth Email:  sethfurtney@hotmail.com

Jody Email:  jodyfurtney@hotmail.com