Seth-n-Jode's Adventures

MAZE MISADVENTURES 

After glimpsing a tattered old map buried in the attic of Kent & Shawna’s 100 year old home (a river map showing secret campsites and an uncharted slot canyon) Jody is irresistibly drawn to replicate this quest through the Maze region in the badlands of Utah.  She pleads with me to embark on this exploration together, but I adamantly refuse.  The Maze presents some of the most attractive yet remote country in America.  It is wildly beautiful, but with rock falls, flash floods, dead end canyons, and a host of other dangers.  Furthermore Jody has a reputation of getting lost.  Undeterred, Jody begins planning and then persuades a cast of willing miscreants to join her.  With so many souls at risk, I am compelled to join.  Someone needs to pack a compass.  

Our slapdash team assembles.  Seb and Lizzie from New Zealand. Dan, Scott, Keith, Janet from California. Kristie from Denver. Pate, Miko, Ashley from Durango.  We are literally deserting civilization in order to explore some of the most inhospitable and uncharted territory in the country.  Nobody beyond Jody (and arguably not even Jody) has a clue where we are going.   Dan sardonically asks the Park Ranger what we should do if someone were to die and without pause he responds, “Pack it In, Pack it Out.”  He whistles the Gilligan’s Island theme song as we launch our canoes.  We start paddling with an abundance of apprehensive energy and soon find ourselves deep in the badlands.  Days later we’ve seen nothing but unending vistas of cactus and stunning rock formations when Jody pulls to shore.  She intuits a slot canyon nearby and decides that we should camp. 

We depart the shore facing an endless windswept expanse of desert jumbled slickrock. We are looking for a secret hidden canyon with neither trail nor precise directions to follow.  I think we won’t discover anything out here except bleached bones.  Hopefully not our own.  Somehow we discover the entrance to a crevice after a few hours of searching and Jody leads us down into the fissure.  And admittedly the slot canyon is mesmerizing.  It undulates through the rock, narrow then flaring and then tapering again. Colorful rippled rock beautifully sculpted by the flash floods that created it.  The vertical walls get taller as we continue deeper into the gorge.  Did I mention that overhead the skies are dark and ominous?  As the canyon descends, the cliff drops get taller making a return course impossible.  I start thinking the unspoken question, “Is this the right slot canyon?”  

Seb is a tall mountain goat who descends cliffs as if by magic and then helps everyone down climb.  Seb levitates to the bottom of a ten foot cliff and reaches upward to assist Pate, when she earns her river name by choosing a more thrilling approach.  

With her unique training, she leaps out to straddle Seb’s arm and then spins around his body in two full rotations throwing the audience dramatic kisses.  Seb is visibly startled…he’s just met Pate.  Hereafter her river name is “Polecat Pate.”

The next obstacle we encounter is a dark pool of water.  Our assault team considers whether to attempt walking through or swimming across the pool when Kristie makes her decision.  She tightens her sandals, sheds every stitch of her clothing and ventures into the unknown depth. She holds her bundled clothing high over her dreadlocks while disappearing around the corner.  Unbeknownst to everyone else, she makes it to the other shore and dons only her still dry shirt to continue exploring, since there are certain to be more pools ahead. We catch up to her a few minutes later and when Jody finds herself behind Kristie climbing over a large boulder, she bumps into Kristie’s bare butt.  Startled but nonplussed she declares “Kristie, you might-oughtta get some britches on.”  Her river name “Reggae Commando” is a natural fit. 

There are other well-deserved river names and this story would be much more compelling if I were to share how Dan is anointed “C.S. Shoeless” but this story is too disreputable to convey in this tame tome.  Even I occasionally abide by the unspoken rule that “what happens on the river stays on the river.”  However, if you buy me a beer sometime, my tongue might become somewhat looser. 

SNOWMOBILING IN CHINA

On a trip to our cabin this past winter, I snowmobiled all the way up to our cabin driveway without mishap.  Given my copious experience with snowmobile calamity, I was ecstatic.  But my elation was brief, for as I neared the cabin my snowmobile began to sink.  I sank and sank and sank.  Ultimately I found myself speaking Mandarin to some locals.  They were surprised by my unexpected intrusion into their kitchen, but we warmed up to one another after exchanging fried rice recipes.  

Then I began thinking through my options. I was buried under an infinite depth of fluffy dry powder snow.  I didn’t have a set of snowshoes.  The snowmobile wasn’t going anywhere.  What is a man (a guy occasionally called MacGyver for his innovativeness) to do when faced with such circumstances?  

I call Jody.   In my most masculine voice I ask her to prepare for some bad news.  Jody waits patiently.  “I’m stuck! Stuck! Stuck!” and start crying.   I’m all cried out after an hour when Jody finally asks, “So what are you going to do?”  Between sobs I tell her that I’m abandoning the damn machine, digging a tunnel to the cabin to get some rest, and will attempt to walk out the next morning.  She offers her reassuring support and prepares to hang up the phone….when I serve up the worse news.  We are babysitting our neighbor’s 125 lb. Newfoundland “Rowan” and she is in the back of our truck at the bottom of the mountain. 

Have I mentioned that I’m 50 miles from Durango over two high mountain passes? Did I forget to mention that there is a winter storm warning?  Jody satirically asks if I’ve installed winter tires on our scooter…. our only other “car”.  As you might imagine this saga continues well into the entire next day.  Other than my bruised ego, everyone thankfully survives.     

After returning home, friends offer me condolences for the loss of my snowmobile and I begin rebuilding my inner strength with daily counseling.  A week later, I am inspired with new hope when Ben and Amanda (our young whippersnapper friends) convince me they can retrieve the machine.  I ask my spiritual counselor about this new goal and she agrees that this mission could be emotionally helpful. With a rekindled sense of hope we venture forth up the mountain on our skis, with a hand pulley and 10,906 miles of steel cable.  No kidding, foot by foot we drag that sled all the way back from China.  It takes forever and I am so psychically traumatized that I can’t bear to even look at the damn machine when it emerges from the earth.  I wave to Ben and Amanda as they sled down the mountain on their new snowmobile.  

PERILS IN PATAGONIA

Mike accompanied us on fantastic two week bikepacking trip this summer across the Colorado Great Divide.  He’s our latest convert to lightweight bike packing and learned that you can indeed use a single toothbrush to; detail your bike, comb your hair, scrub your clothes, and brush your teeth.  He is much needed inspiration since Dan has abandoned us for the dark side with a new tricycle outfitted with enough carrying capacity to be a backup for Santa Claus.   However we did run into some trouble on our most recent bike trip with Mike and his wife Betty in Patagonia.  

No, not Patagonia the region in South America, Patagonia Inc. the clothing company.  We were riding trails around Telluride when my bike broke…again.  We planned to ride some ‘downhill trails’ the next day and everything about that plan sounds great, except the part about having no brakes.  We stop by a bike shop to evaluate the situation. While the mechanic is investigating the problem, Jody spies the Patagonia store across the street and rockets over there without even saying goodbye.  Within seconds I see her through the window carrying piles of clothes to the dressing room.  Even though it’s cool, I start perspiring profusely.  Telluride is a swanky resort town that parades all the latest ritzy gear - and Patagonia is expensive.  I lean close to the mechanic and urge, “Can you do this quickly? This is costing me about $20 every minute.”  He looks up confused and responds, “Hey buddy, it looks like I only need to bleed your brakes and it won’t cost much.”  I point across the street and proclaim, “My wife’s in that store.”  He smiles knowingly and promises to get me out of there in a jiffy.  

DRINKING THE JUICE

It starts innocently.  Sarah, yoga instructor and nutritional coach, delivers a presentation on healthy eating.  She provides sensible guidance like minimizing junk food in one’s diet.  Jody (always one to take things slowly) jumps aboard the train.  She soon forsakes using sugar in any of its forms and shortly thereafter abandons eating any processed foods whatsoever.  At present she will only eat raw kale.  Carried by the tide, I find myself drinking vegetable smoothies each morning and competing with other tie-died locals to grab bundles of nutrition rich plants at the local farmers market.  But, in my heart, I still crave treats.  

Thankfully, a hero has emerged in this battle.  Jody decided that Thomas the Tom Kat (“TTTK”) should also eat “pure” food and thus purchased him organic cat chow with all ingredients certified to be treated with “kumbaya” love and kindness.   TTTK sniffs distastefully at this new organic fare and pukes up a hairball.  For three solid day he sulks and starves.  Finally Jody can’t bear his misery and buys him some good old fashion Friskies with double helping of salmon delicacies.  TTTK is happy again.  I’m jealous and will tell you a secret. During waking hours I stomach Jody’s new “organic rules” of the house, but in the dead of night I sneak downstairs to munch on the Oreo cookies that I’ve hidden under the couch.  I often wonder if I cough up a lung and starve for three days, will I be allowed to eat some ‘old fashioned’ food. 

LIVING & WORKING IN DURANGO 

This year Jody was hired by Nationstar Mortgage as a Vice President while I’ve been consulting for ABM Government Services on some compliance efforts.  We’ve both been on the road a lot and cherish our weekends here at home in Durango.  We wake up, brew fresh coffee, and walk through our yard trying to locate yet another spot to place some more yard art.  We’ve already filled up the trees with masterpieces and are now looking seriously at the roof.  TTTK saunters with us and streeetttchhhes on the sun warmed stone path as we scratch his belly.  A lovely way to start each day.  

SMILEBOX SLIDESHOWS:  

The Maze Canoe Trip - April

Colorado Great Divide Bikepacking Trip - July

Capital Reef to the Swell Bike Trip - April

JP's Graduation - May - http://play.smilebox.com/SpreadMoreHappy/4e4459324d5463354e44593d0d0a?title=JP+Graduation&image=4e4459324d5463354e44593d0d0a.jpg

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Jody and Seth Furtney & Thomas the Tom Kat

11 Molas Drive, Durango, CO 81301

Jody Cell Phone: 970-385-5567 / Seth Cell Phone: 970-385-5547

Email:  jodyfurtney@hotmail.com / sethfurtney@hotmail.com